Haven't said anything in a while.

I started this blog to talk about stuff, mostly to myself, and then realized I don't like talking about stuff enough to actually do it. Especially when I'm trying to be serious. I have resolved therefore, to stop trying to be so serious. It will be more entertaining for all of us, but mostly for me.

So, without further ado, I will make a list of medieval related things people do that IRK me.

#1: Any situation where a viking has horns on his/her helmet. That never happened. Some poor sap who found an amulet  with a chap wearing horns made some illustrations in the 1800's and we've been stuck with the stupid horned helmet ever since. Also, monks drawing vikings as horned demons didn't help.

#2: Holding a longbow with your elbow locked. Seriously, this is so dumb I could slap you, but the string will do it for me. Not only will this cause you pain, and probably make you mad at me, (for handing you the bow) but you will also not hit anything, because your locked elbow will mess up your shot.

#3: Swinging a sword like a baseball bat. No, moving it back and forth on a course parallel to the ground with gusto will not cause you to magically become a swordsman/woman. People can defeat THAT attack with their eyes closed.

#4: Complaining that LARP weapons hurt. Yes, yes they do hurt, so does life. Get over it and hit me harder.

#5: Saying "florentine" in reference to wielding two swords. Florentine either refers to Florence Italy (which has no history of dual-wielding) or to salad forks. Either way, it's wrong, so very wrong. And not in the kind of mysteriously attractive way.

#6: Wearing white socks. Yes, your costume is pretty good, you have nice armor, good weapons, but OH GOD THE WHITE SOCKS. You ruin your entire getup by wearing them. Only wear white socks if I cannot see them, or I will make your re-enactment experience very very painful.

#7: Green bodypaint. I'm racist against green people.

#8: Sunglasses. No, those are not "gnomish anti-sun devices." Those are Ray-bans, please take them off now. Kthnxbai.

#9: Floppy hats or cowboy hats. Just because it isn't a baseball cap doesn't make it period.

#10: Female armor. Yes, I appreciate how that looks dearie, but armor is meant to actually COVER your body for the purpose of protecting it. (Also, take note, gaming industry, I hate you because of this.)



Aaaand, that's all for now.

~ Kedrik Rejkavik Bjørklund, of the generally irritable Varyag Rus.